A Grudge is not an Act of Faith
Heavenly Father -
We are holding grudges, deep ones, some that have lasted a lifetime. Many choose not to let go of, the anger we feel towards those who “wronged” us in the past, even though Lord we have a strong desire and put in a concerted effort into really letting it go, does not seem to work.
Why do we hold grudges Father when they are in fact quite painful to maintain, and often seem to work against what we really want? Why do we keep our personal wounds open and active, living in past experiences of pain which prevent new experiences from being able to happen? What keeps us stuck Lord when we want to move on and let go? Most important Father, teach us how can we let go.
Lord teach us to know that our grudges come with an identity. With our grudge intact, we know who we are—a person who was “wronged.” As much as we don’t like it, there also exists a kind of rightness and strength in this unrighteous identity. We have something that defines us—our anger and victimhood—which gives us a sense of solidness and purpose. We have definition and a grievance that carries weight. To let go of our grudge, we psych ourselves out to be willing to let go of our identity as the “wronged” one, and whatever strength, solidity, or possible sympathy and understanding we receive through that word “wronged.” Father we have to be willing to drop the “I” who was mistreated and step into Your new version of ourselves, one we don’t fully know yet, that allows the present moment with Christ our Savior to determine who we are, not a past injustice.
The problem Lord is we are accustomed to grudges, we drag and carry them around like a bag of sedimentized toxic waste that keeps us stuck in anger; knowing they don’t serve any devine purpose that you have for us. They don’t make us feel better or heal our hurt. At the end of the day, we end up as proud owners of our grudges but still without the experience of comfort that we ultimately crave - a man's peace.
The path to freedom from a grudge is as much through forgiveness of the "other" as it is equally with respecting and loving our own self.
To let go of a grudge we need to move the focus off of the one who “wronged” us, off of the story of our suffering, and into the felt experience of what You Lord actually lived for us. When we move our attention inside, into our heart, our pain shifts from being a “something” that happened to us, to a sensation that we know intimately, You our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
In re-focusing our attention God, teach us to find the soothing kindness and compassion that the grudge also desires. In addition, further teach us to take responsibility for caring about our own suffering, and for knowing that our suffering matters, which can never be achieved through our time wasting grudges. We can then let go and turn over to God the identity of the one who was “wronged,” because that dude no longer serves us and because our own presence is now on instead serving our Lord and Savior. When we learn to do this we are empowered to live without the need for our grudge, it often simply drops away without our knowing how. What becomes clear is that we are where we need to be, in our own heart’s company and in the presence of our Lord and Savior.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
SCRIPTURE
James 5:16
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
We are holding grudges, deep ones, some that have lasted a lifetime. Many choose not to let go of, the anger we feel towards those who “wronged” us in the past, even though Lord we have a strong desire and put in a concerted effort into really letting it go, does not seem to work.
Why do we hold grudges Father when they are in fact quite painful to maintain, and often seem to work against what we really want? Why do we keep our personal wounds open and active, living in past experiences of pain which prevent new experiences from being able to happen? What keeps us stuck Lord when we want to move on and let go? Most important Father, teach us how can we let go.
Lord teach us to know that our grudges come with an identity. With our grudge intact, we know who we are—a person who was “wronged.” As much as we don’t like it, there also exists a kind of rightness and strength in this unrighteous identity. We have something that defines us—our anger and victimhood—which gives us a sense of solidness and purpose. We have definition and a grievance that carries weight. To let go of our grudge, we psych ourselves out to be willing to let go of our identity as the “wronged” one, and whatever strength, solidity, or possible sympathy and understanding we receive through that word “wronged.” Father we have to be willing to drop the “I” who was mistreated and step into Your new version of ourselves, one we don’t fully know yet, that allows the present moment with Christ our Savior to determine who we are, not a past injustice.
The problem Lord is we are accustomed to grudges, we drag and carry them around like a bag of sedimentized toxic waste that keeps us stuck in anger; knowing they don’t serve any devine purpose that you have for us. They don’t make us feel better or heal our hurt. At the end of the day, we end up as proud owners of our grudges but still without the experience of comfort that we ultimately crave - a man's peace.
The path to freedom from a grudge is as much through forgiveness of the "other" as it is equally with respecting and loving our own self.
To let go of a grudge we need to move the focus off of the one who “wronged” us, off of the story of our suffering, and into the felt experience of what You Lord actually lived for us. When we move our attention inside, into our heart, our pain shifts from being a “something” that happened to us, to a sensation that we know intimately, You our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
In re-focusing our attention God, teach us to find the soothing kindness and compassion that the grudge also desires. In addition, further teach us to take responsibility for caring about our own suffering, and for knowing that our suffering matters, which can never be achieved through our time wasting grudges. We can then let go and turn over to God the identity of the one who was “wronged,” because that dude no longer serves us and because our own presence is now on instead serving our Lord and Savior. When we learn to do this we are empowered to live without the need for our grudge, it often simply drops away without our knowing how. What becomes clear is that we are where we need to be, in our own heart’s company and in the presence of our Lord and Savior.
Amen. Amen. Amen.
SCRIPTURE
James 5:16
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
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